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Anger Leads to Funerals-By Dr. David Frederick Hepburn.

Hurry up please! Move it lady!!! The finger twitched. It was heading for the horn but failed to go through with it. Then it turned to make a mad dash out the window to let this frustrating driver ahead of me know what it thought of their “driving, in Italian....

Disorderly Disney Diseases-By Dr. Hepburn

My oldest son, Bert, relished his role as older brother/idol/torturer of Ernie. (For sake of confidentiality I will call them Bert and Ernie since using their actual names, Palmer and Stewart, would likely cause significant embarrassment and years of expensive therapy.)...

Remember the Hippo-By Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

“Frank has Alzheimer’s, doctor.” “No I don’t!” “He can’t remember anything these days.” “I remember just fine, Sylvia. Don’t listen to her.” “Sylvia is our Shih-tsu.”...

Ten Ways to Enjoy a Heart Attack-By Dr. David Hepburn

Realizing that, between the big bad three diseases that most of you will incur one day, namely heart attack, cancer and stroke, given your druthers, you would prefer to have a heart attack...

What the Size of Your Head Could Lead To-By Dr. David Hepburn

Remember the kid in school with the really big head. A forehead that jutted so far out that ravens perched on his shnozz for shade. Usually sat in front of you during assembly. Remember assembly?...

Going Against the Grain- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

Celiac disease, which affects about one in approximately 133.638 folks, is all about an adverse reaction to gluten, a protein found in wheat, rye and barley, which translated means whatever, whatever and beer...

The Heart and Soul- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

One pleasant Saturday afternoon in 1967, Ed Darvall took his wife, Myrtle, and 25 year old daughter, Denise, out for Saturday afternoon tea as he had done on many a sunny Saturday in Salt River...

Placentaphagia- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

It had been a dark and stormy night and I had been on maternity call for roughly 478 hours. I was minutes away from catching another baby in the Labour and Delivery room this time courtesy of a woman from Gabriola Island...

Bad Plasmid- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

Doctors have nightmares. They’re not the usual nightmares of sitting naked in Grade 12 Math class being taught by a stegosaurus as your teeth slowly fall out. Nope. We have nightmares about taking out the wrong kidney...

Kegels- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

C’mon. Truth in advertising folks and I mean you. Your personal ads should really read: “I am a 60 year old gal who loves to travel, walk along the shore, snuggle by a fire, hire lawyers. My photo was snapped 27 years ago....

A Preliminary Premonition- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

David Frederick Hepburn prefaced this column by saying that “Predict, prevent and preserve” should be the slogan for physicians whose job is to have you die young...at an old age. To prevent you from getting a stroke, hypertension...

The Hangover- by Dr. David Frederick Hepburn

It was a dark and stormy night, and I, as a hospital intern/scut monkey, was called to assist Dr. Cerveza or whoever, in surgery. It was a trauma case and I could smell the alcohol pong wafting off the hapless victim on the table...