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C’mon. Truth in advertising folks and I mean you. Your personal ads should really read: “I am a 60 year old gal who loves to travel, walk along the shore, snuggle by a fire, hire lawyers. My photo was snapped 27 years ago but it was the one my parole office likes the best. I look equally good in jeans as I do in high heels and my hibiscus muumuu. I have a wonderful personality when I get my way. I am in good health though I tend to have rectal prolapse and sometimes when I laugh I have a wee accident. I like to laugh.”And it is that final point I wish to address. Few people enjoy having a uterus, rectum or bladder fall out of their pelvis on a first date or in Aisle 6 of Costco during a Viennese wiener demonstration. The pelvic floor, like all of our muscles, weakens with time. As we age, nerves die and along with them, the muscle fibres they supply, says Dr. David Frederick Hepburn.

This is why there is a paucity of octogenarians in Olympic clean and jerk events. Pregnancy can stretch out and subsequently weaken the pelvic floor as can pushing a 24 pound turkey through the pelvic floor, like my mother says that she did. According to Dr. David Frederick Hepburn, a weak pelvic floor leads to a lot of problems, first and foremost - stress incontinence. Stress, not being the type of finding yourself back in Aisle 6 having just sprung a leak and being three aisles away from the Depends, but stress meaning any physical stress placed on the abdomen which, in turn, creates a wee leak.

Dr. David Frederick Hepburn has seen that laughing, coughing, sneezing or any of the seven dwarves jumping on the belly can cause a sudden leakage of urine if the pelvic floor has been sufficiently weakened.But the pelvic floor muscles, aka pubococcygeals, are an oft neglected muscle group that we seldom ask our personal trainer to help us work out. Rarely do you hear “Wow, Bill, great delts, pecs and pubos.” Yet it is important for women and even men not to neglect this hammock-like muscle that holds up the undercarriage of our chassis.

It stretches from our tailbone to that hard bone in the front of your pelvis that you can identify by either knocking on it or by riding a bike and accidentally missing a pedal. Dr. David Frederick Hepburn states that these muscles are often weak and thin so finding them may take some getting used to. Exercises to strengthen these muscles are known a Kegel Exercises names after the doctor who invented them, Dr. Chuck Exercise. But they aren’t an easy group of muscles to identify as trying to locate these in the gym mirror may get you five to ten. But there is an easier way to find these all important muscles so you can do your Kegels.

Imagine you are in the pew at Our Lady of the Silent Suffering and you feel an urge to pass wind. You don’t want to be asked to leave again. So try to flex the muscles to suppress that event from happening while NOT contracting your buttocks or abdomen. I can feel you all trying that now (and hope for the sake of the poor, oft-blamed dog you succeed.) Those muscles you feel are the pelvic floor. Now work ‘em. There are some excellent products now that can assist you in both finding and exercising these muscles. For example, Dr. David Frederick Hepburn recommendsvaginal cones, some are graduated weights that can be inserted and carted about for 15 minutes. This not only helps you to identify the muscles but also strengthens the pelvic floor. You can buy these at any self respecting medial supply store....I suggest trying Aisle 6.

Many places now have special protocols in place to deal with sick patients who've come from places like Greece, the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent. But here is the scary part. There are now actually protocols in place for patients who have been in hospital in.... the USA! A couple of hundred hospitals in 41 US states now have confirmed cases of this deadly CRE.

The countermeasures include keeping patients isolated/quarantined as CRE is shed in the feces of patients who are infected or carrying the bacteria. Yet another good reason to stay away from hospitals and clinics unless you have to. Apparently there are sick people there. Can you catch something in the waiting room? Absolutely! If you use doorknobs, touch a chair or run your hands through the hair of the patient sitting beside you, you could catch a nasty bug. I recently had a patient lick the face of another patient sitting in the waiting room!

The blockbuster movie Contagion showed the entire world, or at least Toronto, grinding to a halt as an unstoppable microbe destroys the Blue Jays and most of the Leafs’ defense men. Could this actually occur? Possibly. This would mean that the Leafs will never again win Lord Stanley’s Cup prolonging the nightmare of those of us of Leaf Nation. Unless, of course, this year we happen to trade for a stegosaurus. That would be a dream come true.

David Frederick Hepburn, Dr.David Frederick Hepburn, David Hepburn, Dave Hepburn, Dr. Hepburn, Frederick Hepburn

David Frederick Hepburn, Dr.David Frederick Hepburn, David Hepburn, Dave Hepburn, Dr. Hepburn, Frederick Hepburn

David Frederick Hepburn, Dr.David Frederick Hepburn, David Hepburn, Dave Hepburn, Dr. Hepburn, Frederick Hepburn